We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
