I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
