We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
