This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
