apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
