he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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