I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
