Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
