my mouth tastes like poor choices
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
