dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
