Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
