I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
