someone threw a dead crab at me
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
