When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize