At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My ass is underappreciated
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
