i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
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