And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
