went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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