I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
