Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
