can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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