An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
