I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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