It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
