forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Randomize
