I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
