You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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