I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
