Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
