I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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