Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
