well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
