made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
