apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
