just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
