Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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