I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
