Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Two words: nipple clamps
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