Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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