were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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