Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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