i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
