She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
