I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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