Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
