YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
