Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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