My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If that was your dad, he is hot
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
