i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
