Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Acid is not a monday night drug
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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