i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
