well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
