Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so let's talk penis.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
