she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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