I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize