i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
