the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
