Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
