My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
