32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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