Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
